Divorce is hard. REALLY hard. I don’t care if you wanted it or not; it’s hard no matter what. And anyone who tries to tell you differently is taking you for a ride.
Here I share 10 things Divorce has taught me:
- You will tell your story over and over again. Why? Because people care about you. You will also become the go-to person for friends who are considering divorce. You will feel good knowing your pain can be used in a way to serve others. You’ll go through the grief process with them, and you will want to. Because you know exactly what the pain feels like.
- Any time your kid seems sad and can’t explain why, you will blame the divorce. Every. Single. Time.
- Grief will hit you when it feels like it, and it doesn’t care whether or not you’re at the grocery store.
- Loneliness will take on a whole new meaning. You’ll realize there really isn’t someone walking through the door at the end of the day whom you can connect with.
- You will learn to hold back tears as you watch your daughter cry when it’s time to go with the other parent. Although you feel your heart is breaking, you will put a smile on your face and assure her everything will be okay. Then you will bawl in private. And figure out how to pull yourself up off the floor of grief on your own.
- You will learn how to teach your children that you are a real person with real feelings. They will learn to give you little breaks to collect yourself.
- You will watch your child cry big alligator tears at the dinner table while saying “I miss daddy”, and you will have to feel guilt and comfort them. Because of this, you will once again question whether or not you made the right choice and have to remind yourself why it was in fact the right choice.
- You will lose friendships. This is inevitable. People who stood by you through your darkest days of marriage may not understand how to be there for you after you’ve taken the plunge of divorce.
- You will do things you never thought possible, such as drive yourself and the kids through snowstorms, huge city rush hours, and torrential downpours.
- Even years later, you’ll miss your old life. You will learn what you truly sacrificed for your new life, and it will come back to haunt you again and again. You will have to reassure yourself once again that it was for the best.
And Friend, it WAS for the best. That story you tell over and over again? It will get easier to tell. It will cease feeling so fresh. The blame you put on yourself will wane. Clarity will come to your mind once your heart starts to heal. The grief episodes will subside, and you will learn to love being alone. You will also become so confident that you made the right choice that you will have an easier time helping your children through their sadness. You will become an expert at things you never thought you were capable of doing, and this newfound independence will bring you a lot of confidence. You will make new friends, and your new life will feel more familiar and comfortable.
Thriving after divorce just takes time. You have to let yourself live in the belly of the whale until you are ready to resurface and rebuild a life that you love.
💜
Carlie Craig
