Have you ever googled “morning routines”? If you have, you know that there is sooooo much advice out there. We pick a routine we like, try it out, and maybe it works for a week, but then it doesn’t. So off we are in pursuit of a new one.
The advice we often find might look something like this:
✔️Get up an hour earlier than the kids and have some “me” time.
✔️Drink some lemon water to clear your system and jumpstart your metabolism.
✔️Meditate for at least 15 minutes.
✔️Lay out clothes for everyone the night before.
✔️Pack the kids’ lunches the night before.
✔️Get the kids to bed an hour earlier each night.
✔️Prep dinner for the following day the night before.
✔️Shower at night.
✔️Set your coffee pot to go off early so it’s ready to go when you wake up for your “me” time.
✔️Once the kids are up for the day, no screen time.
These are all wonderful ideas, but there’s just one issue: they don’t all work for single moms. Most of these ideas are written by and work for stay at home moms or moms who are married/have a partner who lives with them.
To prove my point, let me paint you a picture of a week in the life of a single mom:
We do all the shopping: Groceries, clothing, gifts, home improvement items, you name it.
We do all the activities and transportation: School events, extracurricular activities, birthday parties, taking the kids to and from school or daycare, church activities, sleepovers, doctor appts, haircuts, teeth cleanings, etc.
We do all the household chores: Pet care, cooking, laundry, cleaning, paying bills, budgeting, scheduling doctor and dental appts, picking up the house, yard work, home improvement, etc.
We take care of our children on our own, regardless if one is throwing up, injured, has an appt, a school event, a concert, an away game, you name it.
Not to mention the fact that we might have a second or third child who doesn’t do well being carted around and having to sit through their sibling’s activities and appts.
We even take our children to our own doctor appointments. In the world of the single mother, this is normal.
Just imagine this for a moment: There’s no second parent to share these responsibilities with. There’s no second parent to hand a kid off to so that you can help the other kid or even spend some one-on-one time with them. There’s no second parent to jump in when you need a minute to yourself to collect your thoughts, strategize, or just have a good cry.
There’s no second parent to step in so you can rest when you yourself are sick.
Even if your husband travels often for work, the fact of the matter is, he’s still coming home. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that can get you through the toughest days.
There’s so much pressure to do everything “well” as parents, and this is not lost on us single moms. We still feel the pressure to appear to have our shit together, to be on time to everything, to have a clean house, to have our kids’ hair and teeth brushed, and to feed our kids food that’s not from a box. Trust me, we get it, and we are aware we aren’t living up to society’s standards.
We have the same hopes and dreams for our children that all parents do: that they succeed in school, have the opportunity to participate in any and all activities they wish, and that we can support them, both financially and personally, through all of this.
These things are difficult for married people to accomplish, so just imagine for a moment feeling the pressure to accomplish all of these things on your own.
So what does all this have to do with a morning routine?!
I’m a firm believer in a single mom morning routine, but it’s probably not for the reasons you’d think or expect. It’s not to have the best chance of seizing the day and assuring that you’re on top of everything that needs to happen that day.
No. For single mamas, that’s not the goal. Things seldom go as planned, and that’s true for married moms and single moms. That’s just life.
One thing I’ve found, however, is that it’s my ATTITUDE that gets me through challenges and yields positive results in my day-to-day life. If I can start my day off with a positive attitude, I have a good chance of achieving a bulletproof positive mindset for the rest of the day. And as a result, I am pretty damn productive.
Think about it. When we are feeling positive, we reap a whole lot of benefits:
We are more patient.
We are happier.
We are more productive.
We are more at peace with the fact that everything won’t be perfect or go according to plan.
We have a better ability to let. shit. go.
Here are my morning routine must-haves:
✔️I MUST get up earlier than my kids so that I can have some alone time to set my intentions for the day.
✔️I MUST have a cup of coffee in silence.
✔️I MUST start my day listing five things I am grateful for and 10 dreams I wish to make reality. I use Rachel Hollis’ “Start Today” journal as my template. It works wonders for me. You can find it here: https://thehollisco.com/pages/start-today
That’s it. That’s my routine. No, I’m completely serious. Pretty simple, yeah? But I have found that everything else on my to-do list has a much better chance at getting accomplished each and every day when I take just half an hour tops to myself in the morning to get my mindset in check. The result of having done so gives me a positive attitude, makes me focus on what truly matters in life, and keeps my eyes on the prize: continuing to grow into the badass woman that I TRULY know I am at the core.
You don’t need to bust your butt with a morning checklist. You simply need to nurture your mind and remember that you are more than a productive machine that knocks out responsibilities first thing in the morning. You are more than a caretaker and distinguisher of “fires”.
Friend, that just wears you out. That’s the cause of mommy meltdowns, dissatisfaction in life, and resentment. That just keeps us feeling cheated and feeling jealous of our married peeps.
There’s a better way, and it doesn’t allow room for any of the negative things we tell ourselves. It helps us do the very best we can every single day. And, my friend, THAT is good enough.
Yes, you ARE still doing it all. What’s more, you’re still doing it all while also working through feelings of grief and guilt.
Give yourself some grace. Single mommin’ ain’t easy. Those responsibilities you’re taking on alone? They aren’t going away. That’s a fact you need to accept and will be easier to accept in time. You owe it to yourself to find a way to accept this and show up as the best version of yourself daily. Your kids deserve it. And YOU deserve it.
Give it a try! I would love to hear about your results.
I believe in you.
💜
Carlie
