Relationships with others can be such a gift. As humans, we have an innate need for connection with others. We have the power and ability to choose who we would like to connect with and who we would not. 
There are soooo many people in the world we can connect and build relationships with! When making choices as to who you want to build these with, it’s important to think about how each personal connection makes you FEEL. Ask yourself whether each connection is one that fills you up or brings you down. Are you energized and happy when you’re around them, or do you feel down and drained?
Below is a list of red flags to watch out for when you’re wondering if you’re dealing with someone who is emotionally draining you:
- They have no filter.
- They are short-fused.
- When you’re around them, you feel sad, uneasy, or emotionally drained.
- They “should” all over you.
- They are opinionated or rigid in their thinking.
- They seem to thrive on conflict.
- You feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around them.
- They are argumentative, making you feel you have to “prove yourself” to them.
- They are critical of you. They like to collect past mistakes to use in arguments with you at a later time. Past things you said or did are resurrected and used as ammunition in the present to make you feel stupid or to prove you wrong.
- Boundaries? They don’t have them. They think they have a right to give you their opinion in all decisions you make. If you follow through with a decision and it wasn’t what they thought was best for you, they will be quick to say “I told you so”.
- They focus on problems instead of solutions.
- They thrive on drama, conflict, and fear.
- They project their fears onto you. Their problems become your problems as anything you do that they don’t agree with will be met with all the reasons they wouldn’t make the same decision.
What to do about it:
If this is a new connection, it’s best to just cut ties quickly and focus on other relationships before you get in too deep.
If you simply cannot cut ties, (say, the connection is with a family member who you value), you may want to limit your contact with them. Your emotional well-being is essential for your personal health and happiness.
Lovingly detach yourself from them. They have a right to be treated with love and respect, but you have a right to defend yourself or simply not engage. A simple “thank you for caring” is a great way to help people feel heard without giving up your power of opinion and the right to your own decisions.
Walk away. You do not need to participate in every argument you’re invited to. You have the right to disengage by simply saying “I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation right now, so I’m going to leave.”
Make sure to spend time doing things that fill you up and make you feel good about yourself.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel like you can be exactly who you are. These people should be proud of you and encourage you, not make you feel inferior or drained.
Compassionate detachment is healthy, not cruel. There’s no reason to feel ashamed for putting your own health and happiness first.
I believe in you.
💜 Carlie
